apart from God, I’m fucked in the head.

apart from God, I’d be better off dead.

apart from God, my purpose is none.

apart from God, you’d find me hung.

so why

how

and what am I still doing here.

maybe He has purpose for me

void of the suicidal thought or tendency

that’s why I’m alive, but yet to be set free

of the demons that must be

alive inside of me.

so Lord show me the way

the people who can help my pain.

I’ll follow whoever you send

I’ll follow you, if you mend

this brokenness so deep inside of me.

along the way my purpose I’ll find

to destroy the demons that bind

you

me

we were made to live in liberty

and the King has done it already

the choice is yours 

be bound

or live free.

This season that I am in
Is starting to wear me thin

God continues to use me
Through my foolishness and pride

By the power of the Holy Spirit
Commanding your children to speak in tongues
I feel unworthy of this authority
Take it away from me
I am done

When face to face with my sin
Awareness of my authority is but the drop of a pin

So what is it?
Do I enjoy being isolated
And stuck in my sin?

Separated from God
And those who truly care
I know they hear my groan
I know He is still there

While pride and selfishness tear me apart
Crushing me alive
Leaving me weak of heart

I look to you oh Lord
Save me from these fiery darts

I know, Jesus, you didn’t die
For me to fall and ask myself why

You’ve made me Holy like the armies and angels
Sitting up high

Now I walk in this confidence
For you hold true to your promises

Yes and Amen, Lord
I say
YES & AMEN

I write this out of love

I wish you could truly see you are missed
but I feel like you’ve been blinded
by worldly infatuation and selfishness

I miss the days when a 2 year age gap felt like less
It’s weird because I thought
as we grew that feeling would leave us
but as of late our friendship is nonexistent
our conversations seem more distressed

You used to talk
Of looking up to me
and learning from my mistakes
True you’ve always been ahead of the curve
But it doesn’t seem that way as of late

now that maturity has begun to plateau
as I watch you go and go
And make the same mistakes
I made years ago

Your last year of high school
in a serious relationship
seems harmless and cool
but I was once there
A young romantic fool

Being led by emotion
And what can satisfy
In the moment
You don’t question or wonder why

‘cause you’ve developed something dangerous
A deep emotional tie
this tie like bomb dropping
dropping from the sky

As you watch it fall
At some point it hits ground
The explosion is heartbreak
Such a deafening sound

If not heartbreak
Then marriage will await
What seems harmless
Now
Is really two young hearts at stake
And a life long vow

I would have told you to just stay friends
So you could avoid meeting these ends
I would’ve asked you to make time for your family
real ones
me
your brother
who lends
support and wisdom
from the bottom of his heart
I’ve always wanted the best for you
it’s been that way from the start

As of late I’ve experienced more
with the men called disciples
my relationship with these disciples
in comparison to blood
is merely a title

The brotherhood of blood is ours
But lacking so much
what have you struggled with lately?
or even had to battle?

These things I don’t know
Which make me question
How should I show
that I care
And want to see you grow

this brotherhood should be in vein
if kept together only by blood
there is more for us on the horizon line
not worried about what could become

For I know the plans I have for you
Declares the Lord
Plans to prosper you
And not to harm you
Plans to give you
Hope and a future

This is my hope
That our future is soon

I just can’t force your hand
know I’m praying for you ‘n
As I watch you grow into a man
one day we will grow together
Side by side
best friends

Learning
Growing
Laughing

Becoming Godly men

when the mind races and time doesn’t seem to slow, you are my rock, O God, this I know.

He is Holy

I would say I miss you, but I don’t know what I miss anymore.